A Ponytail Holder Meltdown

The best thing about being a stay-at-home mom is that you get to be with your kids all day long. The worst thing about being a stay-at-home mom is that you get to be with your kids all day long. I mean it. The entire day. 6:30am until 8pm. Oh sure, if you’re lucky you get an hour or two of naptime. But if you have more than one kid you have to coordinate naptimes. Which pretty much only happens on the vernal equinox with a full moon or when Billy Ray is feeling proud of Miley. That was mean Lord, forgive me. It’s always worse in winter because we have to stay in the house most of the day.  And if you do go anywhere, they’re with you then too pulling things off shelves, dumping goldfish on the ground and generally making you wish you had just stayed home. I hear myself being impatient with Abi and I hate the way I sound. I don’t sound like a good mom.

So Friday’s Ponytail Holder Meltdown was a long time coming. It’s crazy cold out. We’ve been in the house for weeks. Weeks. It didn’t help that we were all sick last week. Making everyone, including me, extra whiney. The girls just follow me around all day long. They want to be wherever I am. Usually demanding to be held or wanting more milk or a snack or to be read a book. When I’m cooking. When I’m trying to vacuum. When I’m trying to fold laundry. When I’m trying to use the bathroom.

The baby sloth forcefully wraps her arms and legs around her mother's legs preventing her
from getting anything done. Only when her mother picks her up will the baby sloth release her freakishly strong grip.

And then there’s Madelyn. That child. She is the most destructive and messiest creature God ever created. She has earned herself some new nicknames: Godzilla. The Tazmanian Devil. Tornado. Everything I clean up, she follows behind me and dumps out. I put clothes away in a drawer, she pulls them all out. I put dishes in the dishwasher, she takes them out and tries to throw them on the floor. I put the books back in the basket, she throws them around the room. I try to sweep up and she stands in the middle of the dirt pile trying to pick out the food crumbs to eat. I find hot glue gun sticks in her clothes drawers. I find toys in the pantry. I find my makeup under our bed.

And then of course there’s the package of ponytail holders. Tiny little multi-colored rubber bands. Hundreds of them. She loooooves to dump them out. And then throw them everywhere. And then roll around in them. They are all.over.our.house. Everytime she dumps them we spend 10 minutes crawling around on hands and knees picking up those tiny little devil ponytail holders. Then on Friday it happened. She had dumped them and I had picked them up THREE TIMES before noon. I’m on my hands and knees picking up those gosh darned things one-by-freaking-one and Madelyn is rolling around in them and Abi is trying to help pick them up but every time she tries to put them back in the package she accidently spills more than she put in and I started crying. Crying. Over ponytail holders. Why? Why to these kids have to be so constantly messy?? Why can’t I have five minutes to use the bathroom without someone trying to stick their head in the toilet or unraveling the toilet paper roll?? Why are there always dirty dishes no matter how often I run the dishwasher? Can I go one day without having my shirt smeared with snot or peanut butter or paint? Right there in a sea of ponytail holders I felt myself coming unglued – whoa, you’re losing it sister! This is redonk and you need to get a grip.

ponytail holder plague

We made it through the rest of the day. My knight returned home to the castle saving me from crazy town. He barely had his coat off when I announced, “I’ll be upstairs, don’t let anyone come up!” And pretty much took the stairs two at a time and spent 20 minutes sitting. By myself. Not doing anything. The next morning I told Adam I wanted to get out of the house for a little bit by myself and he said ‘of course’ because he’s fabulous that way. Also, I think he could tell I was about to lose it. Even though I didn’t dare tell him I cried about ponytail holders. I went to Gramz Bakery, got a cup of coffee and read while watching it snow. Ahhhhhh.

With my batteries recharged, I returned home loving my children again and knowing I have the best job in the whole entire world. Yes, my girls are messy and needy. But they are little and they won't be little for long.  



I mean, you'd have to be crazy to not want to spend the day with that face, right!?